Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
