Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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