I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
