I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
