i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
