Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your penis caused this!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
