put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
