The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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