Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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