Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
