I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
