Quick, to the slutcave!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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