I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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