I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
