So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
