i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
