I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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