I think I died a long time ago.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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