I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
