you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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