I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
