Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
