why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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