i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
