Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
