Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
