Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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