Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
