He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
