Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry about my life...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
