I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
