Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
