he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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