Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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