Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
