He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
