I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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