I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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