Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
