i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
