Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
