I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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