Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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