I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I supernannyed him into submission
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
