Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
