I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
