if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
