He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
