At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
