Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drake has all the answers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
