just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
